I'm sorry friends..

I know my friends are noticing that I became 'emo' lately, and they have been talking behind my back. Yes I heard, and i admit that I have been quite moodless lately.

I have been losing appetite (I just dont feel like eating nowadays, and one meal a day is quite enough for me), been losing sleep (thanks to my irregular biological clock and those things that have been bothering my mind), I keep on daydreaming, and I lost weight too.. (I've made a bet against Sophy about that! haha) I know this is bad, especially during this last leg of final exams. As much I try to move on, the past keep on striking me back, much harder each time. I am hurt people much as I've had hurt the people I care about.

Its complicated, really.

So I'm going to make a note to myself:

• I am gonna be fine.
• I can do it!
• I have to be strong in order to live in this world.

People come and go. That's the reality. And I have to face it.

Insomnia;

I am having sleepless nights again. I have no idea why, but after weeks of observing and suffering from this weird insomnia, I realised that I cant sleep between 2am to 7am in the morning. So I tried sleeping as early as 11am last night, and still I woke up at 3 somthing feeling super fresh. I hate this, because I end up staying in bed daydreaming for many hours instead of sleeping back...

Tomorrow's the day. Our first exam paper, Civil Procedure II to be exact. I dont know if I have studied much, but even with the tips given by Mr. Ashok, I seem not to have the mood to study at all. There's so many things bothering my mind. And part of it is probably that because that I've been studying for too long here, and its almost time for us to get outta here.

Its OK Rizal, 17 more days to go, then you're a free man! *opens CP notes and pretends to study..*

What hurts the most

"What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do."


I saw you in my future. But what happened to that?

May God bless this one broken heart.
:'(

Coming to a full lap

Time passes so fast, you cant believe you're already in your final month of your final semester. We had our last class yesterday, and it was Mr. Ashok's Evidence II class. Happy faces were seen all around, taking pictures here and there, and gosh, I'm soo gonna miss all my friends! We guys also asked Mr. Ashok out for dinner in Changloon.

Some pictures and faces from the night:


It reminded me when we had our Asasi group D farewell party back in 2006. We had pizzas, cokes, games and everybody confessed what they had in mind until midnight. I remembered my car was even locked in the cempaka parking area by the guards, and as I couldnt go back home, I had to sleep in the UiTM mosque. And I got chased away after that!

These sweet memories will truly be treasured. But when I leave soon, out of all the things and people I met in UUM, definitely i'm gonna miss that one person the most. And if only she would still realise how much she meant in my life. :'(

Lost

Some things are easier be said than to be done. Its been 14 months now, but the feelings wont just fade away. Why cant a guy says that he misses a girl and everything will be happy after that?

Why do I always hurt the people I care the most? I know you will never forgive me for my mistakes. Its a question and guilt i shall have to live with everyday.

Always;

Why do I always screw up?

Why do I always look like the bad guy?

Why do I always end up with nothing?

Why do I always end up being hurt?

Why do I always end up being unwanted?

Why do the ones I care hurt me the most?

I tried to be patient, but patience is finally catching up with me.

I know I am only a human being. small, weak, and powerless.

I am born to make mistakes. Mistakes which I shall regret forever.

But what really bothers my mind is:

Do I really deserve this?

:(

Dear you.

I have a question to ask.

Why are you being such a stranger now?

Why can't we be close friends anymore? You did promised that whatever happened, we would still be close friends.

You were the closest friend I ever had. And I wish we still are.

The man who can't be seen

Its weird, but lately its as if my biological clock had turned upside down. I sleep in the day, and stay awake at night.

And yet again this morning, I am staying up throughout the night (while doing jurisprudence tutorials!). I tried to sleep, but I cant. I dont know what is happening to me lately. I need to put an end to this soon or God knows what i'll become. :(